totaldramaislandfanfictionfandomcom-20200215-history
Talk:Breakaway
Predictions Appleseed - The Enviromentalist - Brian - The Strong and Cocky One Chuck - The LARPist - Ciara - The Gymnast Dale - The Suck-Up - El Grande - The Wrestler Jamie - The Luckster Jo - Brians Stalker Katie - The Nice Girl Naoise - The Magician - Ned - The Kid Who Cant Say No Owain - The Over-Dramatist Sara - The Latino Sarah-Jane - The Bookworm - Staci - The Compulsive Liar Viola - The Musician Wendy - The Freaky Strong Girl Who Doesnt Know Her Own Strength Zack - The Robotics Expert Chat Competitive Edge: 01 Rivals This is the first story I've decided to read so Woo! Please remember if anything in here comes off as rude, I didn't mean it like that! So let's begin! I am really, really interested in the 'game play' of this story! The overal theme makes it very intersting leaving lots of room to develope unique relationships between the castmates. That being said, I do think that you may have spent too litte time explaining it. I had to read that particular paragraph multiple times before (I hope anyways) understanding what you were trying to describe. On that note, I am always a fan of visualizing things in my head. Something I was basically unable to do at all in this chapter. It's usualy a good idea to descirbe the basics of the location, and the cast members. Asides from Owain (FE G.od) I don't really know what the other characters look like, or what the villa looks like- in fact the way you described made it seem like there were only four rooms. One thing I mentioned in the Writer's Workshop was balance. While I never really went into the detail on this particular blurb, I assumed it was common-knowledge- but I realize now it's a very common mistake (in my eyes). Character balancing is something that NEEDS to be done. If certain characters soak up all of the screen time it becomes very clear who will make it far, and who will not. Characters should, roughly, be in the spotlight the same amount of times during a chapter. My trick for doing this is pretty simply: Each character gets a scene before the challenge, during the challenge and after. Mind you I will often add in more scenes for variety, but this way I know they all have roughly the same. This allows you to develope stories for all of your characters rather than focus on one or two. In your story, so far, Owain, Jo and Katie are the big-shots. They have the larger focus while a number of characters; Jamie, Dale, Ciera, Sarah, and Ned, to name a few, have faded into the background. For an introduction chapter, this is something you should try and avoid. Also the theme of the week was rivalries. As far as I am concerned asides from the very possible, yet not shown rivalry with Jo and Wendy, or Brian- no rivalries were shown in this chapter. Something about when I read things where the lines are all short is that I accidently skip over them! Somehow I missed Appleseed and Zack 'fight'! So sorry about that! Your score has been adjusted. Anyways, I like how it was subtle enough to start the rivalry but not enough to reall force it. Both characters faced minimal screentime. Their rivalry is very realistic, since they have conflicting values. The only fault, is that it was literally perhaps two lines, which makes it not very memorable. Overall, I think that the story has loads of potential! I really like the characters that have been focused on, Owain is my early fav, but that's likely just me being biased! PS. I love the use of confessionals in this chapter! It really gave the characters more life :) ZacAttack Rawr 17:17, June 11, 2014 (UTC)